Spending time together is very important and valuable. It is also very important to consider how the other person you are wanting to spend time with feels about what you have set aside for them. Do they feel you really understand how important their time is with you?
When Ken asks me to spend time with him I feel very cared for because I know he knows how important it is for me to spend those hours with him. There are times when I need him and when I have to ask him to spend time with me, I sense he wishes that he could complete the project he is working on more than care for me. I then feel like the time that he gives me is empty. Usually a wife will not interrupt her husband unless it is a real need.
When we spend time together, it is important that both desire to be together or it doesn’t work. I think that when we both long to spend that time together; only then does it become quality time. We then have a spirit-to-spirit connection.
Research has shown that one of the major reasons that most marriage relationships fail is due to the fact couples don’t recognize the importance to dedicated time to one another. There is a need for couples to decide how much purposeful time they will spend with their spouse each day. When something is valuable, you take the time to make the plans for that occasion.
Wives understand that her husband needs to go to work and that he won’t be available during that time to spend time with her. But does he have a desire to hurry home and spend time with his wife and his family; or does he find other things that are more important to do? Does he only fit them in if there is time?
If that happens from the beginning of their marriage, a wife will feel abandoned and will find other things to do to fill the relationship gap. And, while a husband is not likely to recognize her loneliness, he may conclude that she is satisfied with their relationship since she has so many distractions that occupy her time when he’s not around. She also will turn her source of joy to her children when he doesn’t feel a need to be involved with her or the children.
Since Ken didn’t spend undivided attention with me after we got married we grew apart from each other. Before we got married he couldn’t spend enough time with me. Once we got married Ken was satisfied just to occupy space with me; like being in the house together or driving in the car together. That satisfied HIS need for spending quality time with me. But it made me feel lonely; wishing I had his attention like I did when we were dating. I so missed those time with him; I didn’t like just filling space.
Here is a list of some things that make me as a wife happy. When a husband sees his wife happy he should feel that in his spirit as well as enjoying the time together. A wife can feel if her husband is with her to just “check it off the list.”
- I enjoy Ken so much that I just want to sit and listen to all of what he is thinking about. An example is to hear of what he is reading about in Scripture and then share that with me. When he does this, to me if feels like he’s letting me into his life and his heart; and what a wonderful place that is to me.
- I also love to sit out by the fire pit and watch Ken build a fire to perfection. We chat and enjoy sharing our dreams together. We are spending quality time with each other; it is time to relax and enjoy our time together.
- To have coffee in a restaurant; talking eye to eye about what makes us happy with each other. Not worrying about work or other responsibilities, it is just Ken and myself.
- To start the day together praying and enjoying a cup of coffee before work begins. This can show that he is asking God to lead his family today. Usually it is the wife who is asking her husband to pray, but it brings so much joy and peace in her spirit when she knows he is putting God into the day all on his own.
- I don’t know about all girls, but I really like it when Ken gets up in the morning and says, “Hey, let’s go to breakfast.” I know he has been thinking about me because he knows it is my favorite time of the day.
- Taking a relaxing walk in the garden shop looking at all the flowers that we would like to put in our yard. It’s again something that we both want to do and it’s always fun.
- The most important thing is spending time anywhere, while doing anything that you each will enjoy. If you are able to laugh, smile at each other, hold hands while walking, which helps us connect in a positive way while doing whatever you are doing; then this is my idea of quality time.
Spending time with the one you love will bring health, joy and happiness into your life. Find ways to spend alone time; just listening to each share about their day. Are you seeing a trend here of women loving to communicate with their husband?! This is how we long to connect with each other daily.
We have classes every Monday night in Phoenix, AZ. For those who live outside of Phoenix, we have an online school that will help in this very important step for marriages. Just a little teaser about what is being taught: We ask the men to spend at least ½ hour with their wives—giving her undivided attention—every day. That’s really not enough, but it is a beginning. We would love you to come to the seminar in August and then join us either in our live class here in Phoenix or the online school.